The real post starts with a word I use to easily, trust. The trust is gone and I am left with nothing. Over everything. 

Forward.

Nothing is worse than loss. Loss of constant, loss of tradition, loss of love.

This summer I am being tested all over again. In a months time I have lost more than I found. I completely surrender because all I am is nothing. I can personally guarantee that none of us have the answers, and if ignorance is bliss let me forever be unhappy.

Directionless is not something I have ever fought against, yet here I am pulling out my weapons.. preparing for battle. Losing two relatives along with two relationships has completely done me under. I know that I will not be tested past what I can take… But I’m getting close. I’m playing in traffic, walking the plank, and standing on the edge of the tracks.

Forward.

Defeat. Something one is not to be proud of. Yet, there is still booming possibilities and a million ways to take my future. Thankfully the path has already been decided. Everything I am is clay within his hands. The slate has yet to slant me, and the audition is in process. For this is a week of change and new beginnings. Where am I to start when I feel like I have already crossed the finish line? Empty lines never got you anywhere, but they seem to be getting me a place. Till an update. 

Forever is well forever. The longest time imaginable. Are you ready for forever? Because I am getting cold. My guitar only knows so many chords and I am running out of clever lines for the situation. My thoughts are on anything but perfect harmony. The amount of different social groups I have to please is literally getting exhausting. Life drain. That is my new favorite combination of words. I am sitting and BAM life drain hits. All of your insecurities flood into my river of hopes and dreams and drown them. Ok that was a bit extreme, but at nineteen extreme is what I long for.  I can’t handle the one place at one time deal. Get on my level and we will all be doing well. I can see where your coming from and I understand far to well. Get in a classroom and then we will talk. I don’t like to associate with failure…to much of a life drain. I was thinking about getting a tattoo. Can I get vita scarico (life drain) across my head. On to the next one. Don’t you ever wish you could move on to the next one with no extra baggage. Life is getting redundant. I seriously need something more. Tomorrow I might actually crack my bible and have a reading party. I would prefer not to get here again. life drain